Tick Tock

Time is passing. It is picking up speed like a locomotive on a gradual decline whose tracks extend over the years and what I am passing is blurry at best. I can feel it much more so than ever before. I can tell that my whole person is slowing both in energy and in physical ways.

Its weird.

As a young person you never really expect it to actually happen to you. I mean intellectually, as a matter of fact, you know it should happen, but the reality that it really will happen is somewhat aloof. You assume grown ups are grown ups and elderly are elderly and, well, you are youthful. You assume things will always be this way. Now the elderly of my youth have passed away, the grown ups are elderly and I am a grown up.

It happened gradually I know, but it seems to have snuck up on me without my awareness or my consent. It happened. I'm not all that thrilled by it. People treat me like I am an adult. I have to conduct myself as one. I have the responsibilities of an adult. It is all very bizarre.

I passed by a school with a playground full of children and some of my companions noted how the children were playing. Yes, playing. We wondered what that feels like. To play. We recognized in that moment that we no longer played. It is a concept lost to the adults and remains in the realm of childhood. I suppose as it should. Still I am envious.

I am learning to relate to people now in this role of grown up. I have people who work with me that wasn't even alive when I graduated from high school. It is surreal. I have memories and experiences that occurred prior to their existence and it dawns on me that those older than I do as well. It is hard for me to wrap my head around the concept that things existed and happened and life went on before I was a part of it.

It somewhat saddens me to think that it will continue to do so once I have departed but in another way it doesn't. Wouldn't it be interesting to see how this all turns out? We will never know.

Tick Tock