Saturday, June 23, 2007

what does your life say?

I got the following email from a friend today:

"Our lives are the only Bible some people will ever read.
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny."

I have been teaching on how our every action, deed, and thought becomes a composite of who we are. Little things we do in life, over time, that defines us to ourselves, our place in history, and to those around us. We are what we eat theory.

One person asked me what i thought about porn. My only response was that anything that causes you to become less than what you are, that becomes an addiction you can't shake, is bad. Not because "what it is", but more so how it controls you: Anger, Resentment, Porn, Food, Sex, Wine, Smoking, NASCAR, whatever...

I went and saw "Mr. Brooks" last weekend at the movies. Kevin Costner plays a seriel killer who is addicted to killing. He gets off on it. Goes to AA and claims to be an addict, only no one there knows what kind of addict. He knows he has a problem, but can't shake it because it controls him. It has taken on a personality all its own that actually persuades him to do this act or that act. Its scary.

Mine is cynicism. It controls me. Gets the best of me. Makes me quick to fire off a remark. It is good, but to a point it gets bad. It affects all aspects of my life: family, marriage, kids, work, church. Most of the time I am right about something, but my approach, my response to the situation comes across as cras.

And then I get this email. And it reminds me that I do claim this label of "Christian". Not because I am holier than thou, not because I have it all figured out, not because I know the scriptures, but because somewhere in my life, my childhood, this Jesus fellow was presented to me as real. As a way of life that can't be topped. That I should do this or that because it is True, it is Real, it is Love.

I cannot change this.

I hope my life, the only bible some people will read, readily reflects this.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Big Dick Theory

Okay, this has absolutely nothing to do with those spam emails for male enlargement. I'm smiling enough as it is so no problem.
Many years ago, in my wednesday morning men's group (called the Wards Boys, don't even get me started on why its called that, more like promise keepers gone bad) it seemed that everyone was getting their turn with crap happening to them. Not run of the mill life stuff, but actual BS to deal with - death, divorce, financial issues, moving, etc. We dubbed it "Big Dick Theory", that there was a giant dick just floating around the universe looking for the next person it could "f" up and ruin their day, week, life, etc.
One Wednesday morning one of the guys walks in and announces he has seen the big dick. Seems his office had some duct work issues, so they removed all of the ceiling tiles and were replacing the ventilation ducting. Since they hadn't finished, they left their work "as is", as in a big tubular section of duct hanging down from the ceiling and aiming right at his desk. I think he took a picture.
Many of us have experienced this phenomenon and thought "why me"? Like the little rain cloud that just seems to follow only you. But I know it happens to everyone, different severity maybe, but everyone has their stuff that happens. I used to think that some folks lived charmed lives (and on a comparison scale maybe so), but its all relative to your own place in life.
I have fought back against the demons over the years. Sometimes they win - sometimes not. But I don't look at it as the Big Dick Theory anymore. Its just life. Some lumps are harder than others. I just tend to deal with them differently now.
I'm not sure if my approach will work for the long run, but the Big Dick seems to have Erectile Dysfunction as of late - and that is just fine with me.

Monday, June 4, 2007


It has been a really long time since I've entered a blog. About a month. Been thinking about it, planning on doing it, good intentions... but I'm tired. Worn out beat down road hard emotionally and mentally drained tired.
There are times in Life when I feel like I am at the top of a funnel. You know the kind you put fluids in and they swirl around. Life at the top of the funnel is fun, and open and big and new. But as the pressure increases, and I am forced through an ever decreasing size hole where I feel the sides closing in on me as I am forced into an even narrower and more forceful environment.
This is also known as cruch time. The endless drama of work and home, the demands of life (internal and external sources), and the consistant emphasis on getting it all done and doing it extremely well and being on a deadline.
Where did this all come from and why does it all hit and once?
There is, at present, a lull in the storm. I can still see it on the distant horizon - a huge storm cloud filled with dark billows, wild lightening and furious winds. I know that this presnt calmness is temporary, so i am blogging now.
I just got back from riding my motorcycle in the Quachita Mountains in Oklahoma. Was over a 500 mile trip in one day. It was good. It was Man on machine. Man in nature. Oneness, at least for a while. You can't answer the cell phone on a motorcycle - which is one of the main reasons I bought it. And this gave me physical tiredness, but mental clarity.
But it is Monday morning again. Back to legislation, policies, corporate drama, well intentioned church folks with ideas to bounce off of me, and personal crisis.
I know I am at the bottom of the funnel now, where I may finally escape through the narrow neck and exit into the great expanse of the unknown. Like the fluid, I hope to fulfill some greater destiny than just passing through the funnel. But if, as my motorcycle jacket patch says, "Its not the Destination, but the Journey" that matters, then I will have to find contentment in this.