Monday, June 4, 2007

Tired

It has been a really long time since I've entered a blog. About a month. Been thinking about it, planning on doing it, good intentions... but I'm tired. Worn out beat down road hard emotionally and mentally drained tired.
There are times in Life when I feel like I am at the top of a funnel. You know the kind you put fluids in and they swirl around. Life at the top of the funnel is fun, and open and big and new. But as the pressure increases, and I am forced through an ever decreasing size hole where I feel the sides closing in on me as I am forced into an even narrower and more forceful environment.
This is also known as cruch time. The endless drama of work and home, the demands of life (internal and external sources), and the consistant emphasis on getting it all done and doing it extremely well and being on a deadline.
Where did this all come from and why does it all hit and once?
There is, at present, a lull in the storm. I can still see it on the distant horizon - a huge storm cloud filled with dark billows, wild lightening and furious winds. I know that this presnt calmness is temporary, so i am blogging now.
I just got back from riding my motorcycle in the Quachita Mountains in Oklahoma. Was over a 500 mile trip in one day. It was good. It was Man on machine. Man in nature. Oneness, at least for a while. You can't answer the cell phone on a motorcycle - which is one of the main reasons I bought it. And this gave me physical tiredness, but mental clarity.
But it is Monday morning again. Back to legislation, policies, corporate drama, well intentioned church folks with ideas to bounce off of me, and personal crisis.
I know I am at the bottom of the funnel now, where I may finally escape through the narrow neck and exit into the great expanse of the unknown. Like the fluid, I hope to fulfill some greater destiny than just passing through the funnel. But if, as my motorcycle jacket patch says, "Its not the Destination, but the Journey" that matters, then I will have to find contentment in this.

3 comments:

revrin rick said...

isn't it true that all there is is the journey itself? there's nothing else. and staying fluid keeps it healthy and real.
we make agreements with the things that we know are necessary for this life - jobs, shopping, family responsibilities. but it's good to know when we're tired and need to say No.
rock on prophet ... rock on ...

KJ said...

wow...I'm on blogspot for the 1st time in awhile, too. Interesting that this is one I read; especially after the blog I just posted. I resonate with your story here; thanks. BTW, "Big Dick Theory" is hilarious.

nonprofitprophet said...

kj - i am just finding your post. i need to set this up so it notifies me when i get a response. that is quite coincidental on the timing issue. I got lots of responses on the big dick theory post on how funny it was. but it was true. maybe thats why it was soooooo funny. i need an adult beverage. ~npp
Rev Rick - you are da man. You Know I'm tired.