Thursday, October 16, 2008


It has really been busy and stressful for me the past several weeks. I quit a job a long time ago for many reasons, one of them being too darn stressful. For some of you who know me, I have stuggled for about a decade (and if I had been listening better probably my whole life) a calling to ministry. Its not something you really want to happen to you. I mean, you don't wake up one day and say, "Hey, I think I want to be a minister!". Who would want that. Good grief.
So I try this occupation or that job and it seems to work for a while, and then this little, uh, i don't know, pestersome feeling nags at you ... kind of taunting actually. "so you thought this would fill that void I created?"... etc.
and its frustrating. i am getting too damn old to change occupations. i actually did the official process in my denomination twice, got hired once, but had to turn down the position because, can you believe this, they lied about the salary. Some very wise pastor friends of mine gave me great advice, and i declined. Truthfully they told me the church would starve you if they could. Kinda crazy I know, but it was true. They also said you had to have the calling and you would know it. Well I do and I know it. What to do is the problem.
I live each day wanting the best I can get out of it. Doing something I am passionate about. And guess what? Its ministry. I envy those folks with jobs that don't feel like jobs. They say they love what they do and it doesn't feel like work. That'd be great.
so I ask God each day to just either help me get through this day or show me a path to take. it isn't always easy. sometimes I think god is waiting on me to get over whatever it is. leap of faith? trust? timing? who knows.
whatever it is, its frustrating.


KJ said...

wow. thanks for sharing. yeah, I understand about the part of doing what your passionate about. thouhg, I don't think I'm doing that...maybe bits and pieces at time. I've been pestered by this same nagging for year or so now. I just worry about too many things, and then I don't do the things I love.

You know, I think it's a shame that "beind called to ministry" is the same thing as working in a church. Maybe getting your paycheck from a church is your calling; maybe not. Though I'm not there, I suspect that your SS class regards you as their minister. And than matters.

nonprofitprophet said...

kj - excellent insight. i understand totally. some in my ss class do consider me that, and that is good to an extent. Its like loving to play golf, but only getting to do so on the weekends, when you could do it all the time. You are on track with what I'm stuggling to say so I'll leave it at that. Rick always says that I am in ministry -just not "that kind". and maybe so... ~npp