Awareness

I'm not exactly sure when this took place, but I was probably ten or eleven years old when awareness began. Awareness for me took the form of noticing girls, and then noticing myself and becoming self conscious about how I looked. Before this time, I was blissfully unaware of anything other than whatever was taking place at the moment. I just reacted to my surroundings like a squirrel in the middle of the road with an approaching car - all over the place.
And it was about this time that my dad became unemployed. He was an insurance salesman and I don't really remember what happened, I just knew that for a while there he didn't have a job. And somehow I found out that he had borrowed some money from the neighbors to buy us kids some new t-shirts and underwear for christmas. I can still remember my younger sister crying about not getting the toys she wanted, and how sad my parents looked.
So we never asked for anything much. Except now I was starting to notice that my clothes weren't quite in style. My mom, bless her heart, took it upon herself to purchase me two pair of jeans for school. Bell bottoms. Dark Blue. Totally yuck. And I hated them. So everyday at school, while on the playground or at P.E., I would run and slide and try to tear them up in hopes of getting a new pair. And finally, one day, after much sliding, the knees ripped! Yippee, home free. I went home and told mom and showed her my dilemna and was expecting the "lets go get you another pair then" and I could pick out some cool ones.
Didn't happen. Mom took them from me, ironed a patch on each knee, and handed them back. Yes, a terrible blow had been dealt to my self esteem.
This was also about the time Nike tennis shoes became popular. They are nothing now like they were then, but they were the prized possession of the day. Blue nylon looking things with a white check on the side. And I wanted a pair. I guess I bugged mom long enough that we had to drive all the way to the big town eleven miles away to find them. Yep, we left Maberry and went to Mt. Pilot. I can still remember getting them and getting back into our chevrolet caprice station wagon with the wood trim, and looking at those shoes like a prized possession. It could have been a golden trophy. Mom's words still come to me: "You better take care of those. I have never paid $14 for a pair of shoes in my life". For real.
Now the shoe is on the other foot. (pun intended)
I am much older, and though I try to be aware of how I look and what I wear to a certain extent, I don't really care much if its to the approval of others. I wear boots. Cowboy boots mostly. And I wear them all the time if I have pants on. Suits, jeans, slacks...heck, I don't care. I like boots. And in the summer, shorts and sandals only. Its me. Its who I am and it makes me comfortable.
Fortunately, I can afford this stuff now. And my kids get what they want also for the most part. One is eleven years old now and hasn't quite gotten to the point of being aware of what the culture says she should wear. And that's good. One is sixteen, and is thoroughly self conscious about her looks, but not because of what others will think about her, but how she wants to look. She is very comfortable with herself, something I really wasn't at her age. And the self confidence of both of them makes me proud. They don't follow the crowd or the culture or the marketing overall. They totally dislike Hannah Montana clothing. YEAH!
I'm not sure if its harder being a kid now than it was for my generation. In some ways its seems so, in others not. I guess its all relative to the situation. Times seem more complicated, but kids seem cooler. The seem to be more comfortable with who they are. More accepting of others. More into social activities. More concerned with the environment and food drives and "race for cure" activities and saying I love God on their MySpace pages...
More Aware.
Good for them.

Sweet 16

Sixteen years ago today my life was forever changed. Entering the world was my first child. A daughter. Now I have been scared plenty of times in my life. From getting shot at to car wrecks to fist fights to getting caught doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing.
But nothing, absolutely nothing could prepare me for that day. There are no words to describe the anxiety and fear I was feeling with concern for the birth I was about to be apart of. Oh yes, I got to go into the delivery room of a C section. I hate medical stuff. Seriously. Freaks me out. Mainly because I am not in control and I have to rely on other people. Total trust. I have this problem with God sometimes as well. but back to my story...
So we are in the delivery room and "surgery" starts and I get quizzy. Of course my wife is put under and is being cut with a sharp instrument, but all I can think of is "Oh my God don't let me pass out!". Within a couple of minutes a little nasty looking thing gets lifted into the air (never ever looks like that on the television does it), and a child is born.
I freak out. Is it breathing? I run over and for some wierd reason start counting fingers and toes. Great! they are all there as they should be. Oh my God something is wrong cause they are putting her in a basket! Stop worrying dad, we are only going to weigh her. Oh.
Whats the name dad? Crap - I can't remember. I blurt something out.... It sounded right when it came out so they wrote it on the side of the see thru plastic baby box. I then remembered my wife. They say she is okay too. Good.
I want to throw up. I want to set down. I can't do either. They hand me a baby wrapped up in a blanket with a little pre-mugger stocking cap on its head. I hold my daughter for the first time. Geez she is small. I'm afraid I'll break her. I give her back really quick.

that felt like yesterday.

Today she turns 16. She is a beautiful person. Inside and Out. I can't believe I've been a parent this long. She has two younger sisters that are as endearing as she is, each in their own unique way.

I am going to give her a hard time tonight as we go out to eat for her birthday. Each of them get to pick where to eat for their birthday. Its getting expensive. I am going to be the dorky dad. Its my job to be the dorky dad. Hopefully, one day, someday, she will look back on her life, and these moments together will be as meaningful and special as they are to me.

Happy Birthday Sweet 16.

"I'm Fine with God...It's Christians I Can't Stand"

Okay, so the title of this post is actually a book I am reading. Of course the title of the book enticed me to buy it, and I'm glad I did. It is written by Bruce Bickel and Stan Jantz, neither of whom I have heard of before.

But it is good. An easy read, nodding your head in agreement page turner. I can see a good study based on this book. It is subtitled, "Getting past the Religious Garbage in the Search for Spiritual Truth".

I think if you read this and see a little of yourself in the pages, then maybe it'll give you pause to think and reflect on just what it means to be a Christian. A real christian. Not the "Norman Rockwell" painting of your mind's eye of what a christian is. Parts are serious, parts are cras, parts are downright funny.

So, if you do nothing else this week. Go buy this book. Or at least go by Barnes and Noble or Books a Million or wherever you like to go, pick the book up, set your butt down and read Chapter 8, pages 135 - 151. I could do my whole study on this one chapter.

Communion for five please...

After teaching last sunday over evil and chaos, and using the brilliant new Batman The Dark Knight movie scene where Joker is in the interogation room of the police station and Batman is forced by Joker to break one of his rules... and its brilliant... and some people got it and others didn't...

and so goes the church.

Its seems that some people get it while others simply don't, and I struggle on what approach is the best approach to herd them along into a more meaningful and HONEST relationship with Jesus/God. It appears that many are content with mere showing up while others are not. I know that it is a progressive walk and this is one of many steps on that walk, so I'm hesistant to push. I know this because it was part of my walk. In the southern united states, it is a cultural and social thing to do: go to church. Its not really because you are a christian and just love to get up and go worship, its sort of the expected thing, and hopefully, somewhere along the way, something "clicks" in your little head and heart and it becomes meaningful and expressive and relational.

but we have to slow down and be purposeful don't we, and that is very difficult in this society. A society of cell phones and text messages and internet and schedules and deadlines and...

so this thought came to me this morning. To accomodate the busyness of every day life, maybe we should put a drive thru window at the church, like Bon Qui Qui at King Burger, with a menu of what's available and you can order it there (and leave your monetary donation of course).

"Communion for 5 please", I ask over the intercom at the drive thru window. The red LED display confirms my order for 5 communions and flashes a "do this in rememberance of me" quote...

God i hope not. ~npp

The last day of 2008

I was so busy this morning with my 6am meeting and getting to work where things were already happening that I had forgotten this was the last day of 2008. I mean, I new it was New Year's Eve but it didn't really register that this is the last day I will officially write 2008 on anything.
I've been reflecting on the year and overall its been pretty good. It is hard to believe that it is gone and another starts tomorrow. Of course the older I get the faster they do seem to go. And thinking about this year, I can honestly say its been a positive one for me overall with some bumps in the road.
I have made a lot of new friends through civic functions, this blog, and I am also on Facebook (as my real self and not NPP) for the first time this year. I got to spend a lot of time with my family. Went to Galveston Island before the hurricane hit, went to Boston MA which I enjoyed alot, went to San Antonio Texas and to SeaWorld with the kids (you may remember my post about that little trip), Austin a couple of times where I always visit with my brother-from-a-different-mother Rick Diamond who is pastor of JOURNEY Imperfect Faith Community in Austin Texas www.journeyifc.com. We were blessed with good health overall and enough food and finances, which was more than a lot of folks.
I witnessed a truly historic presidential election which shows how far this country has come in race relations. I got a new senior pastor after my numerous petitions to the Lord and after a long wait in the desert He finally delivered.
It has been a while since I blogged anything but I wanted to do so on this last day of 2008. I felt like I should have at Christmas, but you know what? I actually tried to just slow down and enjoy it and not feel pressued to have to do anything. And it worked for the most part. So I didn't blog. Didn't have anything useful to say.
I have some thoughts for 2009 that I have already jotted down to blog about, so I will start working on those.
Wishing all of you a Great New Year and many of the Lord's Blessings,
~npp

night and day

i have a new senior pastor. as you recall, the former senior pastor and I had differing opinions on, oh, just about everything that dealt with people and ministry. He left and we got another.

and thank GOD for that. this guy is total opposite of the last guy. humble, mild, personable, not pious, people person. Like i said, total opposite of the last guy was was passive/aggressive, control freak, arrogant and condescending... and some other descriptors i won't put here.

and you can tell it is more than just me. the whole church has a different feel about it now. the staff are actually smiling. people i haven't seen in ages are coming back. their is laughter.

so last saturday night myself and one of the associate pastors take the the 6th grade confirmation class to the Catholic Cathedral to attend a mass service. The new senior pastor goes as well. he went with us as we visited the jewish temple several weeks back. after the "fun" of doing that, we take all the kids to CiCi's pizza to eat...

and the senior pastor looks right at me and says....

"I'm sorry that I couldn't make it to your sunday school class' christmas party". Kinda caught me off guard and I replied, "I didn't know anyone had invited you". Not mean like, just off comment. He responded "well, no one did". So i was honest with him. Told him "well last time we invited a senior pastor to the christmas party - they showed up!" He laughed. He got the joke! wow! i was impressed.

I told him we like to actually enjoy ourselves at our socials and we have some adult drinks and a little wine and lots of great food and he said that was fine with him. Didn't bother him if people drink or not in social settings. So we got into the moderation topic and a whole lot of other stuff, like divorce and forgiveness (we had just come from the Catholic church so guilt came up as well). and i actually enjoyed the visit. Sat there for an hour with them while the kids ate pizza and played video games.

finally. maybe, just maybe, we have a pastor again.

Wisdom from Kung Fu Panda

Well I got the all clear from my Cardiologist. There is nothing wrong with my heart. Yes, for about two months I was having chest pains and was thoroughly convinced that I was having heart problems and that the doctors were going to crack my chest open and do bypass surgery and I would never be the same again... I had stressed myself out so much about it that it actually made things worse.
Now, to be quiet fair about it, I was under a lot of stress at work and other places anyway, so that brought on the chest pains to start with, but was not the underlying cause.

But for some reason I could not put it in the hands of God (as many suggested) and continued to stress and worry. Not so much about dying over it (well, maybe a little) but leaving behind a family and kids and whatever. I also have "whitecoat syndrome", which is a fear of anyone wearing a white coat who says they are a doctor. Can't stand medical stuff.

When faced with real, scary medical stuff, I crumble. I can't just give it to God and go on. I worry. And I also live in the past at times. If I had done this or married her or said that or went into that occupation. And I stress about the future: How do I afford college for the kids, when can I retire, Will we have enough income, blah blah blah.

So I'm watching "Kung Fu Panda" with my family last week, and in one scene the Kung Fu Master (wise old turtle) says, "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it is called a present". Wow. Such wisdom from an animated movie. And its pretty funny on top of that!

Yes indeed. Today. Its all we are assured of. No one is guaranteed a tomorrow, or heck, even the rest of the day the way some of us drive. And I started appreciating each day even more. And I tried to not worry. And the words of Jesus in Matthew came to mind (Mt. 6:34). "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Sure enough, he knows what he is talking about. It certainly does have enough troubles all its own.

So I am trying to take things more leisurely. And to put the past where it belongs (behind me), the future where it belongs (wherever) and just enjoy the day I have. It'll be hard to do. Harder than writing this post, but I'm giving it my best.
Thanks for listening, today, to this.