Monday, December 24, 2007

for one more day

I received the book "For One More Day" by Mitch Albom yesterday. I finished it today. It has left me feeling oddly reflective. Its hard to explain.
You can google it and see what the plot is about. In short, if you could have one more day with someone that has past on...
It goes through the whole spectrum of feelings and thoughts one has when presented with this scenario: guilt. memories. smells. tastes. attitudes. feelings. guilt. oh and did i mention guilt?
my mom died tragically and suddenly seven years ago. huge blow. large guilt. much anger. pissed off at god. I remember our last conversion, the last time I would ever see her alive...and it makes me sad. If I had known, like the poem says, it definitely would not have been "those words" i spoke, "those actions" i took. I would have made it mean more. If "for one more day" I would change a lot.
so I have taken this view and have tried to apply it to my relationships now, with family and friends and just folks I know.
Its hard. I don't feel like doing that all the time. If my spouse were to die before I get through typing this line.... the last words and actions we had were not what I wanted them to be. "for one more day" i would change it....
but its hard.
Life gets in the way, with its weird and demanding self. It is determined that I should bend and respond to its every whelm. Sometimes, it pisses me off as well.
i don't like things the way they are, and yet I feel powerless to change them.
for one more day. if only. in only we got redo's. the chance to say "I'm sorry".
I am trying my best not to need "for one more day". but i'm human. I'm a screw up.
I don't think its possible to get it right all the time and not have any regrets.

9 comments:

Endlessly restless said...

npp - this is a very thought-provoking post. Somehow it seems that at this time of year our emotions and family stresses are at their peak, which feels counter-intuitive!

We all screw up, say the wrong thing, blurt out our self-centred emotions etc, etc. The challenge is to learn how these impact on others, and to modify our behaviour. We'll never get it right, but we might get it less wrong!

I'm particularly conscious of this just now as my dad is in hospital recovering from major surgery, and waiting for yet more test results. Life is short and it's best to get it right first time, but if we can behave reasonably, I don't think we should have too many regrets for our loved ones - as long as they know that we love them. (This from an emotionally retentive Scotsman!)

OK, this is becoming rambling and barely coherent, so I'll finish.

Hope you had a good Christmas.

nonprofitprophet said...

I agree with your thoughts. Getting it less wrong is an absolute wonderful way to put it. Yes you are right. They are aware I love them, even in my stupid moments, so that is some assurance. Much like the concept of Grace. Thanks for your thoughts ER. And Merry Christmas to you and yours as well. ~npp

nonprofitprophet said...

and prayers for your fathers speedy recovery and less stress for his family during this time. We almost lost my father just one year after my mother's death to a sudden heart attack. Nothing like stress upon stress to make your day! ~npp

KJ said...

hello, npp. And Happy New Year! I've been absent. Ugh.

I have this book, but haven't read it yet. I read 5 People You Meet in Heaven; really liked it. I relate to your thoughts of having good intentions and life getting in the way; being human. It does feel defeating at times. There have been rare moments when I seemed to get it right. I'm grateful to say that's what happened when my father was dying. I have no regrets...at least from those last few months. There was nothing that I needed or wantes to say that I didn't say. That's such a great feeling.

nonprofitprophet said...

KJ - good to hear from you and Happy New Year back! Those "rare moments" are priceless. I get them, there's a name for them that I can't say here out of anonymity sake...Ricky will now the term "...ness"... I hear good things about you from him and your work with the youth... keep it up! he needs your help... ~npp

KJ said...

thanks. I'll have to check in with the Revrin and visit.

MizAngie said...

I watched the tv version of this book. Interesting. Like you it made me reflective. I discussed it with my brother, asking if he would like our mother to come back for one more day. His response? "Ew, NO. She's been dead quite a while and probably has rotting flesh and worms and stuff. That would scare me to death!" {big sigh} Well, that's one way to think of it, Mr. Sensitive. Ha!!

nonprofitprophet said...

mizangie - sounds like your brother has a twisted sense of humor. we would get along splendidly. ~npp

damir-tote said...

I have that that similar here